Our household is currently in 'goal achieving' overdrive. First steps, poos in the toilet, expanding a business, feeding oneself, learning to swim, developing a strong management team. Profound moments, frustrating moments, high pressure moments and moments of pure elation. I will share these moments but they aren't mine.
What has happened to my goals? My goals feel insignificant in comparison to my little girl’s goal of taking her first step on this earth. I am distracted from my goals as I wipe away frustrated tears from my 2 year old as he builds up the courage to jump into Granny's pool. My goals are blurred as I watch my husband work towards his goal of better work / life balance. Hard for a man with fierce ambition but an equally intense love for his family. And then there’s me, sitting here, supporting, cheering, willing them all on. A one woman cheer squad trying to process what has happened to her goals. What has happened to my big moments??
And I realise that ironically while I have been helping my family achieve their goals, they too have helped me to achieve my biggest goal of all. A goal that has sat at the top of my list for the past 10 years. Unachieved. Waiting to be ticked off.
To be present.
I am sure I will falter but for now I am going to call it. I am present. As a mum, as a wife, as a friend, as a daughter, a sister and as a woman who feels like she is living a bloody good life. Perhaps my new found presence is merely the result of this new chaotic world I find myself in. A world that doesn't allow me to think beyond the next 12 hours. Whatever the cause I don't care because this new found me cares a little bit less than she used to. I think this new life suits me. x