Those pesky little self doubts are raging at the moment. Those ones that tell you to throw it all in. The ones that make you self conscious about what you do/ what you make.
But here’s the thing. I have just moved my family of 5 from a small crap rental to our new house. And not just a new house but a renovation which has been 20 months in the fucking making. Every tiny detail is a result of me and I have loved every single second of the process but it takes a lot of mental energy.
My 3 small people have tender emotions which need a whole heap more attention when change is in the air. Billy is currently walking around in circles trying to find someone, anyone. He cradles 4 blankies and has a constant look of panic. Ted is an A Type personality which means #controlfreak alert! Having a unicorn mum can be tough for kids like Ted. He has decided I am useless/ scatty/ late and therefore he should be the key decision maker for this family. He could be onto something but at the very least he needs to be able to read before I hand over the reigns. And Mem is just Mem. Head in the clouds and occasionally asks questions like ‘do we live here now?’. ‘Where did the trampoline go?’. ‘Are we going on holiday today?.
And there’s the whole 7 months pregnant part. No crazy hormones allowed with this pregnancy because time will not permit. I did the flu shot late, hooping cough shot late, gestational diabetes test late, I haven’t taken prenatal vitamins and my obstetrician was hired because of his laid back attitude. But secretly I have worried for my back and worried that this baby will make an appearance too early. I can’t afford not to be here for the rest of the crew.
And so I am sorry Ted & Mems for my lack of love for you at the moment. Give me time little business and I will find new stockists, I will develop new lines and I will make you fly baby!